What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
