I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
