Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
