Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
