OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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