Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
