I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
