My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
