I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
