Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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