i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
