the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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