Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
