i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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