if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
