i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
