Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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