The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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