I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
