Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
