Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
