ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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