I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
be right there i have to get my cape
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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