If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
