I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
