I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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