I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
