i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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