Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
