My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
