covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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