She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
