You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Will exercising make me less horny?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
