I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
