Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
