if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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