On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
