he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
