I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
