she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
