I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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