arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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