Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
