mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
