im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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