If i come over, it means nothing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
