I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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