I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
