I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
