apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
